by Alexander Lotorto
Dear Obama supporters, this Valentine's Day I noticed that you're having a hard time with your boyfriend Barack. As a friend to many of you, I feel it's my responsibility to offer some dating advice, take it or leave it. Last night during the State of the Union, he once again brought up the sore topic of his other lover, the natural gas industry.
"In the meantime, the natural gas boom has led to cleaner power and greater energy independence. That’s why my Administration will keep cutting red tape and speeding up new oil and gas permits."
It's a fact that he's been seen fracking around here in Pennsylvania with those jerks Exxon Mobil, Shell, and Chevron, and he's putting you at risk of catching something nasty, like sickness or death. When he goes away on those long work trips to India, and China, and Poland, he's really getting bi-lateral with them, promising to help them frack their shale with a wink, nod, and his Global Shale Gas Initiative.
Regardless of his decision on the Keystone XL pipeline, paying your rent isn't a reason enough to stay with him when he's going to bed with other lovers. As you rally to stop the northern leg of Keystone XL, our friends at Tar Sands Blockade have been sticking their necks out for you to block the southern leg that your man is slipping into Oklahoma and Texas behind your back.
Here in Pennsylvania, while you're home waiting for him, he's working his game and making it rain at the Delaware and Susquehanna River Basin Commissions, handing out gas pipeline authorizations and fracking water withdrawal permits like dollar, dollar bills. That is unnacceptable, unless of course you're ok with him being politically polyamorous.
Remember those fuel efficency standards he gave you to show off to your friends right before the election? That was cubit zerconia, darlin'. He met with the natural gas industry privately at the White House while you weren't home and stuck natural gas subsidies in because he knew you wouldn't check it at the pawn shop.
That logic that Obama will use his second term to be a progressive president isn't working out for you. I can't say I didn't warn you when he promised to "tap that gas" in his 2008 acceptance speech. Then he continued coming home late smelling like a fracking waste pit for four years telling you he was cleaning up his act. Finally, you gave him one more chance at a second term, apologizing for him to your friends to get him elected.
When Barack says "Drill Baby Drill", but in a nicer way, it's time you get as disgusted with him as when Bush, McCain, or Romney said it. See Carrie Underwood's idea, above.
Unless you're a gold digger in it for his fancy natural gas cars and some shiny solar panels, you ought to leave him. He's not giving you the respect you deserve. You need someone who will treat you right and stop fracking around.
I'm here for you if you need a shoulder or someone to talk to.